Fever on Exams Week

So tomorrow is the first day of your second trimester exams. 

The plan was to tutor you incessantly over the weekend.  Plans changed when you went home from the clinic last Friday.  As much as I wanted to push you to study your lessons, I have to give in to anything that will comfort you.  Sleep and long naps are acceptable.  But I have to give in to your Netflix needs as well as coloring print outs from the computer that I myself provided. 

While you were having fever this morning, I keep smelling you even if you haven't took a bath for two straight days.  You smell as if you were my baby of long ago.  I know that scent.  And you had that scent this morning.  I can't stop sniffing you. 

You have a bad cold after episodes of cough for the past three days already.  We couldn't find the Salinase bottle that was our solution to your clogged nose. I let you sniff the Vicks vaporub but it was no use.  You keep using the tissue which by the way, you finished one roll today and that made you feel bad about wasting one tissue roll.  Well, Anak, that's what those tissue is for. I knew your nose was clogged not because of the mucous but because your nasal walls were all swollen. 

And so the only way I can think of is dip your tissue before you stuck it inside your nose.  You felt great because it was so cool.  I told you though, that I am the only one allowed to do that for your.  You are not even allowed to do that for yourself because I don't want you to "burn" any exposed nerve cell in your nose.  Well, your Lola Tita "burnt" her olfactory nerves with those nasal Vicks and now she cannot taste her food properly. 

I cannot explain in detail how that happened. Just believe you me. 

Mad Mommy

Okay, I deserve that.  You may call me that since for the last couple of months, I have nothing but animosity between me and your father. 

It seems like everything that he does irritates and annoys me which triggers the witch mode in me. I am so sorry to cause you so much heartache, Anak.  I have no good excuse to treat your father that way in front of you however valid my excuses why I treat him the way I do.

So by now, you should know what makes me the "Mad Mommy" you seem to name me.  First of all, I hate repeating myself.  You and your father do that to me.  I just can't seem to have patience for those who disregards instructions and rules that I have to say out loud again and again.  This is tiresome for me and ends up with me shouting and hurting people that I love namely, you.

And what gets to me even more, is how you cover up for your Papa.  I hate that so much since he should be the one covering up and protecting you and considering your feelings. NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND.

That should have made me happy.  Instead, I get so annoyed that your father is the one who needs protecting when he actually doesn't do anything for this family.  His presence makes you feel so secure.  I give him that. But a father should be more than that. He should at least try to provide for your needs. 

The most important thing I want you to learn as much as I am learning now is that you need to rely on yourself and not to others -  not even your future husband.  I am teaching you as much as I can on how to think for yourself. You have to find ways so that you end up depending on yourself and you are that dependable that you wouldn't need anyone to do things for you.

I am sorry that I cannot give you any more siblings.  I don't think I can handle one more.  I love you Anak but you make me so tired most of the time.  Almost all of my thoughts are on you.  Also, I have to be able to focus on the family business without which, there is nothing to provide for us.  We all rely on it.

You know that I am a doctor and that means, I know almost nothing about running a business like what we have now.  I'm hoping against hope that it will still be around when you are all grown up and able.  I'd like you to help me out too. Maybe you'll be better running it than anyone else besides Lola Mommy and Lolo Daddy.

Anyway, you have to forgive me Anak but I'm running out of patience with your father who seems to know how to provide for himself and himself alone.  You should know that he is able to take different kinds of work around but he refuses to.  Sometimes I wish he would just leave us alone but you wouldn't like that. In fact, the only reason I'm with him is because of you. And it makes me so mad when he doesn't even help you out with the things you need.  He must not know it but you're the only reason why we are still with him.  How I wish you outgrow him already.  But I guess that won't happen since you are the sweetest and most thoughtful daughter - girl - that I have encountered. 

I love you with all my heart.

No One To Play With

The busy schedule that has been going on for months has disabled me to spend more time with my daughter.  Before the school year ended, my work routine schedule started at 6:30am until 11:00pm.

6:30am  Morning coffee, clean up the dishes left from last night, get Via's things ready for school
7:30am Once husband arrives from his first work hour of the day, I rush to get ready.
8:45am Board the tricycle service of Via to her nearby school
9:00am Board my service to go to the office
1 hour on the road for a 5KM Distance (Damn Manila Traffic)
10:00am On my Desk
3:00pm Board my service to get home if work can wait for the next day.  Otherwise, I have to stay longer.
4:00pm Reach home.  Rest WHILE checking on Via's school things.  Try to help Via with school work.
5:30pm Early DINNER
6:00am Wash up and get ready for the part time work
7:00pm First class of the day
10:00pm Ends the last class of the day
11:00pm go to bed... or watch more of NETFLIX


Now where do I fit PLAYTIME with VIA in that schedule?

I don't remember my parents play with us.  They probably did but I don't really remember.  I also don't remember feeling bad about it.  I hope my daughter doesn't feel neglected because I feel that I am not sparing enough time for her.

This week, I had quit my part-time home-based work in the hopes of focusing in the family business and giving more time for my daughter.  However, she's entering Second Grade this coming school year and we haven't finished with the First Grade Brain Quest book that I was planning to help her with.

I'll try again tomorrow.

Hoping For A Big School

Hi Anak.

It's Monday morning 6:09AM and you are still asleep.  I'm just enjoying my time before I have to prepare for your school day. It's swimming day for you.  There was a change in schedule.  I know how much you love your swimming class with your classmates.  However, until you know how to take a shower, and until your school provides better facilities, I'm not so happy about it.  

Last Saturday, we went to your cousin Gabino's school, La Salle, because it was their school fair. That night, you told me that Kuya Gab has a big school.  You took note how big the grounds were.  I thought you felt a bit envious and I felt bad about it.  I want you to go to a big school too.  Don't worry Anak, I'm working for it.  I'm just waiting for the day that you would know how you would take care of yourself.  Maybe, after 6th grade, I would transfer you to a nearby bigger school.  I would like you to go to a Chinese school.  Prior to that, I think I will schedule three summers for Chinese language for you.  

I have so many plans for your education and extra curricular activities.  I just wish I live long enough and I wish I will eventually have the means.  

You may not be going to a very good school but I do hope I'm able to make up for it.  So forgive Mommy if I turn into the most horrible mom whenever we are studying.  I want you to learn so much.  

By the way, yesterday, we started learning how to read time.  Once you get to easily handle reading time, we are going to start making a day schedule.  I want you to start learning about time management.  That's the plan for now.  

Need to go.  I'm listening to Thinking Pinoy (look him up).  He's my favorite source about politics.  I hope he's the same and still around when you're grown up and getting concerned about this things.  

Don't forget to read newspapers Anak. I love you.   

Everyone Loves Everyone

I put up a white board in our beside my daughter's study table months ago.  I play teacher most of the time to my daughter.  I couldn't afford a tutor, that's why.  I make my daughter's education my responsibility.  She is not excelling in any of her subjects unlike other kids but I'm still happy with her progress.  

I kind of blame myself when there is something she don't know that she ought to know.  However, it doesn't show because I resort to scolding her during study period at home.  And I always regret it.

I should always keep in mind that our home is her refuge since school is hard enough as it is.  It's unbelievable what they're teaching 5-year old these days.  I'm actually scared for my kid. 

The white board was supposed to be an aid to my after-school reinforcement plans.  However, my markers dry up not because of all the studying that we do but because of the drawings she always makes every single day.  

A couple of days ago, instead of seeing stick people and animals on the board, I saw words of how she feels about her family.  The upper most photo shows how she misspelled the word "LOVE".  It didn't matter because she knew the very essence of the word.  She knew that we have a lot of that here at home.  

I came home today to find the photo below it.  She correctly spelled the word "LOVE" this time.    

In our home, we say "I love you" a lot of times.  And I hope, the meaning of these words will grow with her, give her strength and courage in this lifetime and the next.  

No, Thank You.

My five-year old daughter frequently says "no" with a "thank you".

It wasn't intentional but I think I taught her that by example.

She can be so polite at times even with the little things.

However, there are times when I don't want to hear those words especially during exam week.

Me: "Are you ready to study?"

Via:  "No, thank you mommy."  (Without even looking up)

If you must know anak, I'm not offering you anything.  I'm actually ordering you to get ready for crunch time.

Kids and iPads

My daughter is a fan of You Tube for years now. I don't really know how much she spends in front of the iPad since I spend all day at work. When I get home, I muster up all the energy that remains to play with her and her toys. We try to read books instead. She goes straight to bed after that. She's hands off the iPad when I'm around. 

Her iPad is a substitute for a playmate. She's an only child and she stays inside the house most of the time (Thank God). iPad is her window to the world. However, there are so many things in You Tube that are not appropriate for her age. For example, Katy Perry. Her songs are great but her videos are of course, on a different level of understanding. Even those Lego videos are a bit dark for my taste and so, I tell her to stop watching those. 

I put on the filter in the You Tube account that she's using. And now, she can only watch toy videos which is also bad enough because all she can think of is having them all. 

I tried downloading the educational apps but she's not even using them. I paid for Homer which we use to help her read before she even started reading. There are some good and bad outcomes in using the computer (iPad in my case). However, we need to use it with them. We are still parents and there's no substitute for that.