Mad Mommy

Okay, I deserve that.  You may call me that since for the last couple of months, I have nothing but animosity between me and your father. 

It seems like everything that he does irritates and annoys me which triggers the witch mode in me. I am so sorry to cause you so much heartache, Anak.  I have no good excuse to treat your father that way in front of you however valid my excuses why I treat him the way I do.

So by now, you should know what makes me the "Mad Mommy" you seem to name me.  First of all, I hate repeating myself.  You and your father do that to me.  I just can't seem to have patience for those who disregards instructions and rules that I have to say out loud again and again.  This is tiresome for me and ends up with me shouting and hurting people that I love namely, you.

And what gets to me even more, is how you cover up for your Papa.  I hate that so much since he should be the one covering up and protecting you and considering your feelings. NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND.

That should have made me happy.  Instead, I get so annoyed that your father is the one who needs protecting when he actually doesn't do anything for this family.  His presence makes you feel so secure.  I give him that. But a father should be more than that. He should at least try to provide for your needs. 

The most important thing I want you to learn as much as I am learning now is that you need to rely on yourself and not to others -  not even your future husband.  I am teaching you as much as I can on how to think for yourself. You have to find ways so that you end up depending on yourself and you are that dependable that you wouldn't need anyone to do things for you.

I am sorry that I cannot give you any more siblings.  I don't think I can handle one more.  I love you Anak but you make me so tired most of the time.  Almost all of my thoughts are on you.  Also, I have to be able to focus on the family business without which, there is nothing to provide for us.  We all rely on it.

You know that I am a doctor and that means, I know almost nothing about running a business like what we have now.  I'm hoping against hope that it will still be around when you are all grown up and able.  I'd like you to help me out too. Maybe you'll be better running it than anyone else besides Lola Mommy and Lolo Daddy.

Anyway, you have to forgive me Anak but I'm running out of patience with your father who seems to know how to provide for himself and himself alone.  You should know that he is able to take different kinds of work around but he refuses to.  Sometimes I wish he would just leave us alone but you wouldn't like that. In fact, the only reason I'm with him is because of you. And it makes me so mad when he doesn't even help you out with the things you need.  He must not know it but you're the only reason why we are still with him.  How I wish you outgrow him already.  But I guess that won't happen since you are the sweetest and most thoughtful daughter - girl - that I have encountered. 

I love you with all my heart.