Pack Away!

You have got to learn how to pack away, anak.  Don't leave your mess behind and relying on others to do it for you.  You said so yourself when Papa asked you to pack away, "Yaya's there!" We can't help but be amused at what you had just said but it won't be for very long.  Doing it yourself is more amusing.  

You have to clean up your mess.  

I've heard from somewhere that when you leave a place (or a human being), make sure you leave it in a state better than it was before.  Do not leave a place (or a person) after you have just caused some kind of damage or worse, destruction.  Be able to pick up the pieces even if it's not for your own direct good.  Indirectly, you would feel much better - no regrets.  

Choose To Be Happy

There are times that you suddenly decide to be grumpy at anyone.  And when I ask you why, you get grumpier.  You make this sound between a "Hmp!" and a growl.  Yes, anak, you growl since the age of two (turning three).  Your papa and I laugh and I wonder silently if I'm raising you right.

When I offer you some form of bribe just so you would stop being grumpy, you seem to get grumpier too.  It's like a losing battle for me.  You are so incoherent when you're mad.  Mommy cannot seem to understand a thing you are saying.  It's like your whining and huffing and puffing and growling.

But then I found a way through that grumpiness.  Every time you huff and you puff (like the wolf in Three Little Pigs tale), I make that funny face and gestures (well, I think they're funny) to make you see that your anger affects mommy.  Bribing never works for you.  I have to get weird in order to make you smile.  You really are a handful.

Your papa does something else.  When you get mad, he gets annoyed.  And he gets mad.  He pretends that he doesn't want to talk to you (because you say so yourself - You don't want to talk to him).  Now that's a battle you have been losing because once papa decides he doesn't want to talk to you, that's when you try to convince him that he wants to talk to you.  I hear you say to him, "Sorry papa" at the age of 2 (turning three).  And it's so cute.

On a side note: this morning when we were on our way out of the house (because I'm dropping you off at your grandma's house), you said out loud "I love you mama".  Thank you anak.  "I love you too!"

Well, I hope that you will grow less and less grumpy.  When you make your own decisions, decide on being happy.

Your own happiness is up to you.  Be happy with yourself.  Do not rely on anyone (even momma and papa) to make you happy.  We cannot do that for you.  We always try but in reality anak, it has been always up to you.

I truly hope that when you grow older, you'll grow wiser and more content than ever.  I don't want you to be like those people I have encountered who wallow in their losses or sadness or misfortune.  GET PAST THEM.  Don't stay in that point on your life when you have been deceived, when you have failed. You are still one of the human race.  Failure is part of being human. Losing something or somebody is part of being human.  And moving on may be the hardest thing for you but since are human, you are equipped to do so.

Your papa and I are raising you not with the luxuries money (which we don't have) can buy, but with the necessities that will able you to grow as normal and as tough as can be.   I don't want you to be tough at all times, but be tough if you have to.  You can run to me, your papa or God at the end of the day.   Our loving arms are always waiting for you.

Be happy.  That is all.

So This Is Christmas

We have just spent our Christmas together - you, me and Papa - without the need for explanation and excuses.

It was very simple and not so quiet.  We had ChocoMucho to give away to the kids who knocked on our door Christmas morning.  And you learned how to give them yourself by counting heads first and then counting how many bars of chocolate that you ought to hand out.  It was the highlight of the day.  It went on until noon time.  Probably, the sun was too hot for the kids to walk around the neighbourhood.

You were wondering about Yaya and were asking if you could go to Kuya Gabino's place.  I told you that Yaya was in her mommy and daddy's house.  And as for Kuya Gabino, I told you that he was in Tagaytay with your Lolo and Lola at their rest house.  Beforehand, you said you didn't want to go to Tagaytay so the conversation ended there.

We had pork roast by your papa and I tried making mini pizzas.  You liked them but I refused to give them to you as much as you wanted because I burned their bottoms.  So Papa cooked the next batch.  However, by that time, you preferred eating his marinated and fried bangus belly - your favourite.

I know Christmas should be about Christ our Lord.  I just mentioned it to you once but I don't think you know him yet.  For myself, I know about Him (but I don't really know Him) but I have given your happiness the utmost importance this Christmas.   Remind me to work on this.

For me, Christmas is about your happiness and family.  Finally, we had one.

Right at this moment, I'm waiting for you to wake up.  Your breakfast is ready.  Papa prepared it before he left for work.  I'm browsing our videos in You Tube and trying to put proper titles on them. Most of them are about you.

I love you.  We had just a great Christmas.

Have A Just Cause

Your momma believes that she is doing all this for you.  

You are her just cause.

You deserve a family.

You deserve good memories. 

Before I had you, I didn’t have any just cause, only selfish ones.  It was all about me.  When I go rebel against your grandparents, it’s all about what I want.  But when you came along, I was tamed.  I swallowed my pride once too often.  And somehow, I understood what they went through when they were trying to raise me.  

I appreciated my parents more and more when I had you.  

They did everything for us.  And I’m going to do the same, even if it means that I have to defy them and putting them second best.  

When you grow older and understand all these, I will understand that you have to do things you have to do.  But until I see that you have a just cause, I will be breathing down your neck.  Just kidding!  

For now, I will raise you in a way that you may be able to decide which is just and and which is not.  You have to have a purpose so everything will be easy for you when it is actually taking all your time and energy.  

At the end of the day, your papa and me are waiting for you so that you may take your rest to move on the next day. 

Take What Is Yours

And leave what is not yours.

I’d rather be positive this season however, I just want to cite an incident that happened to me one morning while I was getting ready for work.  You were asleep at that time and too young to understand what was happening.

We don’t have a car.  And so I usually take a motorbike ride with your father (FOR WHICH WE DON’T WANT YOU TO DO).  There was one morning when your Papa has to go extra early so I decided to ride the tricycle.  So your Nanny went out to get one for me and came back with one.  I was about to go down on the ground floor (we are living on the 2nd floor) and out the gate, when this neighbour rode the tricycle herself, knowing fully well that it was my ride.

It still makes me mad whenever I recall that incident.  Don’t take after me.  I hold grudges.  Be like your father or your grandfather.  They easily let go of other people’s trespasses (They don’t know it but they have something in common).

Remember Anak, we should take care of many things in our life and one of them is our relationship with our “neighbours” (and that includes everyone). Be respectful.  Do not take what is not yours.  Share if you have extra.  Do not share if it will compromise your needs.  Be aggressive if you need to but don’t trample on others (like what THAT neighbour did).

IF YOU WANT TO HAVE SOMETHING, TAKE IT BY THE RULES THEN IT WILL TRULY BE YOURS.

Anak, it’s hard to achieve something in life because you have to work for everything.  DO NOT TIRE EASILY.  JUST KEEP GOING.  And if you think there are no results, think again.  There are little things that get by without you noticing them but they are still results.




Anyway, since it IS still Christmas so let’s get back at it.

I’m planning to pick you up from your Kuya Gab’s and Lola’s place.  Papa’s not yet around.  He left really early because he wanted to play tennis with people I-don’t-know-who.  So I have time for myself to write to you.

It’s 8am already but the skies looks like it just got around 6am.  It is really Christmas.  Weather is gloomy as expected.

I’m thinking that you might have mosquito bites by now since you have stayed there for three straight nights.  I miss you.

So yesterday, we were in the mall and the supermarket to buy stuff for Christmas eve dinner.  We prepared something simple and just good for three people - two big ones and one small one.   Papa will do everything to make your dinner tasty while momma will try to make it look festive.

I can’t wait to see you again.  Papa is still not around and I’m getting impatient.

Via's Mad

I’ve been wondering why you easily get mad at momma.  And it just came up to me that the reason might be because I’m not around that often.

There are times when I don’t know how to handle you.  Sometimes, when I don’t know how, I just give in and give what you want.

I don’t want to pressure you with your studies and that’s why I’m going to make you for only an hour each day.  Thirty minutes in the morning and thirty minutes at night.  I can do that because I don’t need to go to work this Christmas time.  Besides that one hour, I promise to put down this laptop and even the phones and iPad and play with your dollhouse.

I asked your papa last night that there’s a big chance you are going to eat me alive someday.   Don’t get worried, my baby.  I won’t let you.

I will do my utmost to make you behave how a lady and a good daughter should behave.  There are times that even papa is scared of me when I get mad at you.  Forgive me when I do get mad at you.  The tone of my voice is my weapon.  And that makes you stop what you’re doing and makes you retaliate.  Problem is it gets worse when you retaliate, you intentionally keep doing what I specifically told you what not to do.  I better work on that.

Don't Want To Be Left Behind

In some days, like today, I have to go to work and leave you.  I'm more at ease when I leave you at home with your Papa.  However, during this weekend duty, we both decided to leave you at your GrandMommy's house.

I always let you know if I'm going away because that is more okay with you than leaving you without you knowing it.  That's how mature you have become even when you were two years old (now you are three).  

However, it wasn't so easy saying goodbye to you.  I guess you were feeling separation anxiety.  When we left the apartment, you were already clinging to me.  I think I failed making you understand that you were coming with me to your Grandmommy's house and leave you there.

Even in the car, as your uncle Genesis had said, you were looking for me when I didn't go in the backseat, yet, to attend to our things.  

Anak, I will never leave you.  And as your Papa has promised, he will never leave us even after he's dead (I don't know how he's going to pull that off, though).  

Even though there's distance between us, our thoughts and prayers are always of and for you.  We always pray that you are safe and that you can take good care of yourself, that you would be smart enough to decide what is right and be physically able to pull it through.  

Well, got to go.  Mommy has to go back to work, you know.  Muah!

Off To School

We have just dropped you off to school and I’m here at your favourite cupcake shop in the neighbourhood.  I’m waiting for your Grandma to pick me up and send me to the eye doctor today for my ophthalmologic problems.  

We are both supposed to be studying right now. I wish I could see you right now in school and know how you are around other kids.  But I wouldn’t be able to do that.  I guess parents won’t be able to unless the parent is a teacher in the same school as her child studies.  I guess I’m going to miss that part of your life.  Well, in almost everyone’s case, our parents missed those days too.  

By the way, you came in with one of your classmates and in comparison to them, it seemed that you are so little.  I wonder if you are of the same age.  If you were, I’d be troubled.  They really seem bigger than you are and more able.  

And one more thing, I’m a bit pressured by your studies.  The things that they are teaching you in class are, in my opinion, still too much for your age.  And most of the time you don’t feel like studying.  How can you make you learn? 

Family Picture

My dear Via, I just crossed out one thing from your momma's wish list - to have a family pictorial.  I was able to catch a promo from an online coupon which allowed us to have a one-hour photoshoot in Megamall branch of Nice Print.  

Papa and I had fun.  I don't think you did, though.  You were really shy with the camera lady.  She was so nice and patient with us - being amateur and all.  Most especially, when you were not in the mood to smile.  None of the photos had you with a smile on your face.  I guess, you don't want strangers to see how nice your smile is.  

You'll see how it went because we are planning to hang those pictures on the wall and post it online for everyone to see how miserable you were that day.  However, they should also know that you were kind of happy after that photoshoot. You were giving Papa a hard time as usual.   

Terrific or Terrorist Three?

Terrible two is over.  You just turned three.  

You actually celebrated it a couple of times. The first one was a surprise.  The second one was planned. 

Your lola mommy wanted to celebrate your third year and conjured up a family kiddie party in the townhouse in which no one resides.  With the help of your uncle Genesis, they turned the deserted house into something festive.  You even had balloons with your name written on them.  

The second party was by yours truly and your papa's efforts.  We had some Happy Meals delivered to our humble home for the the kids in our apartment compound.  I think it was pretty good.  Your Tita Bea (your father's cousin) helped a lot with the preparation.  

You should thank them (lola mommy, uncle Genesis and tita Bea) once you are able to.  Do not forget.  Your parties were a success.  I think they were better than your 1st grand birthday party and 2nd birthday McDonald's party combined.  

This goes to show that when you are celebrating, the people who are close to you should be invited.  Never mind the other people.  They won't mind if they're not invited.  

As I have said, Terrible Two is now over and I'm looking forward to this coming year whether you'll turn better or worse.  Your papa and I are hoping for the former than the latter.   

Be Brave.

Be Brave.  Even if you're not, pretend to be.  No one can tell the difference.

 - -  Jackson Brown Jr.

It's all about a leap of faith.  There's so many things in life that you wouldn't know about if you don't try it for yourself. Well, you may read on it too.  But unless you try out a theory then you would know for sure.  I didn't name you "Via Faith" for nothing.  You were supposed to live your life through great faith in the Lord, in others and also in yourself.  Believing that you can makes a whole lot of difference from believing that you cannot.  Choose carefully which ones you should believe in.  Pray with me that you will have enough good judgement to know the difference. 

I want you to experience all the adventures that you can muster in your lifetime.  I want your life to be as exciting as possible without verging on the danger zone.  Get a little crazy.  I said "crazy".  I didn't say "stupid".  A lot of people confuses those two.  Be careful not to do the same!  I'd go berserk if you suddenly join Jackass (Well, in time you need to use a search engine what I'm talking about.  By the time you read this, Jackass might be called by another worthy term).  Via, don't make me and papa worry too much about you.  Please know how to take care of yourself. 

Be brave enough to look out for others besides yourself.  Self-sacrifice is underrated.  But somehow, doing things for others would open doors for you.  Think about a self-serving self-sacrifice.  It's devilish but everyone is happy about it.

Be brave to accept responsibilities.  To be honest Anak, I was kind of scared when I had you.  I was excited.  But then when I started to think about your future needs, I was so afraid that I won't be able to provide them and that made us stay with your grandparents for almost three years since you were born.  You'll encounter the same kind of responsibilities in your career and your family and social life.  Do not be afraid because God provides.  I truly believe that.  Everyday has been a miracle.  We are surviving without your grandparents' help.

Be brave to say "no" to things that might harm you. You would learn eventually which ones are hurtful and which ones do not.  You'll go through high school when your main priority is to become accepted.  And in order to be accepted, you do what others are doing. Don't be scared to stand out.  Be your own person.   DO NOT GET HURT as well as DO NOT BE HURTFUL.  You will badly want to belong and be accepted by your peers.  But think twice before you do what they would like you and are expecting for you to do.  Everything we do leaves a mark.  Be brave to do things that may be unacceptable to them but are definitely the right thing.    

When it comes to Mommy and Papa, you won't need to pretend to be brave.  I ask you to tell me if you're scared.  Papa and I will protect you as much as we can.  Papa does that already - all the time.  He will be doing that throughout his life.  Papa does the "being brave" for the three of us.  I try my best to do the same.  When it comes to us, no need to put up a facade.

Be brave.  You will survive.       

Bend But Don't Break

It's around 6am and your father is getting ready for work on the day that typhoon Haiyan is going to hit Manila.  I'm worried about your Papa because he might encounter heavy rains on his way home later.  We both know that he needs to go and work for an hour or so in order to have some cash.  That is our life anak.  If we don't go to work, we don't get paid.

Every time there is a storm, I remember that Filipino poem about the Philippine bamboo.  I don't think you have seen one before.  There are lots in the streets where your grandfather (my father) grew up (that's in Lingayen). They are really tall trees that is almost all green. They sway with the wind - trunks and all.  They're the most flexible trees I've seen so far.

Your Papa said it was best to plant Bamboos in places which are high risk for landslides because their roots encompasses a big area.  I don't know how true but he knows more about trees than I do so I believe him.  According to him, the roots can hold a significant amount of soil.

Anyway, back to that poem.  Well, the bamboo tree was speaking to God.  And it was kind of boasting to God (but not really) that it can withstand whatever test God throws its way.  It will just bend but not break.  "Break me Oh Lord. Break me if You can".  It will keep it's faith on the Lord in the face of challenges life brings it.

I want you to grow as strong as the Bamboo tree.  Live your name.  Live through great faith in the Lord.  Bend but don't break.  Be strong and try to endure.  People and circumstances may bring you to your knees but don't forget to get back up.  Don't let anything keep you down.

Your mom is not as strong though.  But I survived because of you and your father.  We are trying to build your roots.  We want it to be strong and resilient so that in time that we're not around, you'll be able to hold your ground.    

Say Yes Sometimes

It seems that your favourite word is "No".

Whenever we ask you to do or offer you something, you don't even bother to look up and you just say no.  We find it funny that you even close your eyes tightly and turn away your head to emphasize that you really don't like.

Well, you have to try the things that we give you or ask of you before you say "no" because we won't give anything that would hurt you.  They may not look or sound or taste good but those are the things that we feel are best for you.

I read before that parents need to give children an option that they can practice making choices.  However, it is a luxury these days to have other good options.  Maybe someday, we would be able to give you other choices that are more inviting than what we can offer.  For now, you have to try to say yes because we only give what's good for you.

Backtrack a little, the time you were born, everyone noted the two swirls of hair on top of your head. Everyone was thinking, (forgive me, but I was included) that you are destined to be a stubborn child.  But mommy is more stubborn than you are and I refuse to believe that I cannot do something about it.  With your father's help, we're going to make you more flexible and open to things that you'd rather not have anything to do with.

"Yes" is a much better word, child.

Biking Makes You Happy

Despite the fact that we don't have that much money this year, we were able to buy you a tricycle before you turned three.  According to books, being able to ride the bike is a milestone for a three-year old.  I guess I'm making sure that you are able to reach that milestone easily.  Papa just wanted to make you happy.

You're downstairs, outside right now with nanny Vangie.  She's pushing your bike for you since your legs don't have the strength to pedal it yourself.  I guess even when your playmates are not around, this makes up for it.

By the way, we were supposed to go to the park today. However, mommy and papa overslept in their afternoon naps.  Papa is still in bed at this time.  And I'm up and decided to finish on my presentation for work since we won't be going to the park for you to use the slide and me to do tennis drills on the park tennis court.  What a letdown!  But we both know Papa needs his sleep too.

Stubborn

Hello Anak (my child).  We went out to do some grocery shopping today in the nearby PureGold Supermarket.  We went there by jeepney.  I was kind of horrified when your nanny said out loud (for everyone to hear) if you prefer the taxi or the jeepney.  It's kind of embarrassing for me.  I didn't want us to seem like elitist which we are not.

Well, the nanny knows your roots as far as a month or so of stay with us.  She knows you came from an affluent family (well, on your mother's side).  But if we're around people, I don't want to bring that up because we sound pretentious somehow.  

I want you to belong anywhere you are placed in.  Whether on a jeepney, a taxi or your own coach.  Don't be someone who thinks too highly of oneself.  Don't ever do that.  

By the way, you were kind of hard headed the whole day.  You're getting on Papa's nerves.  And of course, if you don't listen to Papa, you are most likely not listening to mommy.  You have to listen and follow instructions.  We're building a mind of your own.  But in the meantime that you're still two years old, you have to trust us when we say "stop" or when we say "no".