World Of Violence

You must know this: Humanity has turned to violence.

If we become too strict with you while you are growing up, it's because I've seen my share of victims of violence in my lifetime.

Having to work in a trauma centre hospital, I encounter them every duty night.  I have scanned patients who are victims of mauling, vehicular crashes and stab wounds.  All of them barely breathing because of the pain inflicted on them.  Some of them sputtering blood and vomit from their mouths.  I don't mean to be graphic BUT YOU MUST KNOW THIS.

Before I had you, I wonder why people still want to have children when they know that this world is not anymore fit for any child.  But I'm like other people, I wanted to have you.  And you're father and I are doing our best to protect you from what we know could harm you tremendously without being able to regain what you would have lost.  I know why we (along with other parents) would burden ourselves with this.  It is purely unconditional love.  I guess I know how at this point.

However, I believe that I was being selfish when I had you. We were taught in school that love is open to life.  Your father and I love each other very much.  And so God gave you to us because our love made me ask God for me to have you.  (I hope by this time you would understand this.)  It was selfish for me to think of my need to have you and not think of what I may be able to give you back when you're now here.  

Fact is, I cannot protect you from this violent world.

What your father and I can only do is restrict you.  However, you may not like restrictions (who does?)  It would be very hard for me when the time comes when I have to let you go off on your own.  I would be like my own mother.  And I think you would hate me as much as I hate my own mother when I am smothering you like she does to me.  Now I understand the worry.  (karma is going to hit me big time)

All I want you to have is your safety and protection and your happiness.  If you could have all three, then I'd be living and dying in peace.

All your father and I could do is bring you up as best as we could so that you are well-equipped to face this world's harsh reality.

Keep safe always Anak. Please. For momma.

Need A Little Break

Your irresponsible mother didn't go to work for two straight working days.  

Your momma right now is a radiology resident on her third year.  It's okay that she is doing so much work at work.  Your momma is a masochist and she doesn't mind.  What she minds is that she (along with her other batch mates) is doing most of the work while those ahead of her and those a year behind her are just roaming around the department pretending to be doing something.  

I want you to know the value of work.  Work with a purpose. Then, you will see how important your everyday tasks are.  

It will definitely build your character.  If it's not the tasks, it's the people who will make it more difficult than it is.  Make it simple by focusing on what you are supposed to do.  It would be hard to ignore the unnecessary because they will definitely try to get your attention.  But you have to be strong enough to focus on what you should do and block whatever it is that is wasting your oh-so-precious time.    

When you're working around people, you have to do your part.  Even the menial tasks matter.  You might think that they're not that necessary.  However, in all kinds of structures, a weak post will topple the rest.  You have to do it right.  If you make a mistake and you cannot undo it (which is true in most cases), you have to do something right the next.  Just remember: FIRST, DO NO HARM.  But that doesn't mean doing nothing at all. 

However, if your goal during your training (if ever you're going to enter this field) is compromised, then you have to do something.  If your goal is earning money and your doing the exact opposite (after giving it a chance and enough time), you have to think of another way to reach the goal.  

Today, even my batch mates are not at work.  We have all decided that we leave the department alone on their own for now.  It would have been better if it was a Monday so they would even feel the workload.  I guess people get fed up with people too.  

If you have to relieve yourself from the workplace, do it.  But you have to come back and do more the next day.  A break is not bad.  It is actually a big help for you.  Freshen up if you have to.  It helps you to be more productive after being burnt out.  

To make your life easy, you have to love your work.  Most people don't have a choice when it comes to what work they will get into. If ever there comes a time that this happens to you, please bear in mind that your work does not define you, you have to define your work.  You have to make it good.  If it entails a lot of strength and a lot of time, make sure it is worth it.  

I love my work because I love my family - you and Papa.  I'm supposed to be working for your future but what is actually happening is that I'm working for today.  Earning is very hard.  And getting by everyday is a miracle.  For now, we are poor.  I don't know for how long.  I truly pray that there will be work for me everyday for you.  

By now you understand what work is (somehow).  Whenever we say goodbye to you in bed very early in the morning, Papa explains to you that we have to go to work to buy milk, to buy toys, to buy all the things you want and need.  Sometimes, you say it yourself.  Papa doesn't need to repeat it.  You know that work gives what you need.  You're smart like that.  And so it makes it more easier to leave you because you understand.   

 

National Anthem

They must have been teaching you the National Anthem in school because that's your favourite song these days.  You go around the house singing your heart out.

Today, we were in the supermarket and I went away for a minute to look for something.  When I was trying to go back to you and papa, it was easy for me because I can hear you sing it a couple of feet away.  I knew you were both around because I, along with the other Sunday grocers, can hear you sing and actually babble the lyrics that are somewhat incomprehensible.