You must know this: Humanity has turned to violence.
If we become too strict with you while you are growing up, it's because I've seen my share of victims of violence in my lifetime.
Having to work in a trauma centre hospital, I encounter them every duty night. I have scanned patients who are victims of mauling, vehicular crashes and stab wounds. All of them barely breathing because of the pain inflicted on them. Some of them sputtering blood and vomit from their mouths. I don't mean to be graphic BUT YOU MUST KNOW THIS.
Before I had you, I wonder why people still want to have children when they know that this world is not anymore fit for any child. But I'm like other people, I wanted to have you. And you're father and I are doing our best to protect you from what we know could harm you tremendously without being able to regain what you would have lost. I know why we (along with other parents) would burden ourselves with this. It is purely unconditional love. I guess I know how at this point.
However, I believe that I was being selfish when I had you. We were taught in school that love is open to life. Your father and I love each other very much. And so God gave you to us because our love made me ask God for me to have you. (I hope by this time you would understand this.) It was selfish for me to think of my need to have you and not think of what I may be able to give you back when you're now here.
Fact is, I cannot protect you from this violent world.
What your father and I can only do is restrict you. However, you may not like restrictions (who does?) It would be very hard for me when the time comes when I have to let you go off on your own. I would be like my own mother. And I think you would hate me as much as I hate my own mother when I am smothering you like she does to me. Now I understand the worry. (karma is going to hit me big time)
All I want you to have is your safety and protection and your happiness. If you could have all three, then I'd be living and dying in peace.
All your father and I could do is bring you up as best as we could so that you are well-equipped to face this world's harsh reality.
Keep safe always Anak. Please. For momma.
Haaaay, I feel you. Just yesterday, I remarked to TheHusband that we're too strict with S. I remember being 7 or so and I would go alone to the woods picking fruits. At 8, I can commute by myself from the school to my home, which is quite far. TheHusband replied that things are different now and that there are all forms of crazies out there. In fact, a couple of weeks ago, a convicted pedophile from another country was arrested here in Dumaguete :(
ReplyDeleteI just hope that I can have the "perfect blend" protection, strictness, and flexibility when raising my daughter 'cause I don't want her growing up afraid of the world either.